Why I Hate The Wedding Dress Industry

As some of you may know, I am getting married in May.  I am quite excited.  As you may also know, I am female and my partner is male.  This makes me the bride.

Being the bride is an interesting experience, specifically when it comes to what you are going to wear to your wedding.  The current tradition in western culture is the White Dress. You know the dress? The spectacular dress that makes you a princess, that you wear once, that you spend money on, that you outshine everyone in?  Yeah, that dress.

I started out trying to be optimistic, and after a few false starts, I figured I would be able to find something.  You know, something simple and elegant.  Something pretty.  Something that made me feel good and that I'd enjoy.  I swear, I did try.

Dress One

I went into a couple of wedding dress shops, thinking I'd just look.  See what's out there.  Get a feel for the industry.  The problem is that the wedding dress has always terrified me.  My idea of lovely dress looks more like this.  Or this.

Dress Two

 

















Or even this (this one wouldn't copy over.  Check it out.  Seriously).

The first one I went into I went with Fiance.  It did not start well.  Upon entering we were visually assaulted with a sea of white fluff and plastic.  I wasn't sure where the dresses stopped and the walls began.  We tried to just surreptitiously poke around.  No such luck was to be had.  The saleslady spotted us and pounced.  With more vigor than a thirteen year old virgin promised sex, she began to tell us about our "options", "different models", and "price range".  I said wedding dress, not car.  As I stood there trying to get the words "simple" and "poor student" out she rattled on about getting a package deal on bridesmaids dresses (my brother is standing up for me), flower girl dresses (we don't have one) and mother-of-the-bride dress (my mother wouldn't be caught dead in anything in there.  I wouldn't dress a corpse in the dresses she waved at).  Did I mention that while she eagerly expunged this information onto the two of us she was well past the socially appropriate personal space limit?  Due to the sheer volume of fabric around us we could not back up any further and she just kept coming.

I think Fiance saw the wide-eyed terror look that was now living on my face and he kindly muscled us out of there and we fled.  The couple of other places that I went into were like that.  In one place the dress on display was something like this only the skirt from puke pink on the bottom to white at the top.  It was this tattered.  I fantasized about setting it on fire and steered clear of the shop.


Most places required an appointment just to get in.  There was no way I was going to make one as my main desire on this hunt was to be left alone.  I hated the eager, bouncing, Mary Kay-esque ladies who asked me questions about my flowers, china patterns and told me how this day only came once I had to look my best and like a princess, didn't I?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

I thought about going to one of the bridal expo's here in Edmonton; I really did want to try.  The one I looked at wouldn't admit men though.  It's the bride's day so no men because they can't help with the shopping.  Because somehow that makes sense. 

 

It got very frustrating.  I did finally reach a point where I told Fiance, fuck it, I'm wearing a nice white suit.  I can't take this crap.  The intensity of the white dresses, the white, the blandness of the not intense dresses and the prices.  It was not something I was willing to do.

Sidenote, but did you know that the white dress did not come into fashion until the early 20th century?  That was when the rich began to be able to afford fancy, ridiculous dresses that you wear once.  And what colour is most impractical therefore shows you have the money to throw at this dress?  White.  Hence, the white dress fashion was born.  Before that girls wore their best dress to their wedding.  I like that idea.  Much more simple and opens up a whole new set of possibilities.

Ultimately, I did find a dress.  It is gorgeous and not white and I will it wear again after the wedding.  It's blue actually.  And did I mention it's gorgeous?  It also wasn't marked as a wedding dress, it was just something I stumbled upon and fell completely in love with.  I'm very excited about it.

Curves, butts and other sexy things.

Brother and I have been chatting about labels, specifically about labels relating to sexuality.  He has requested that I write a post on this.

So, bisexual, lesbian, gay, straight, questioning, bi-curious, pansexual, asexual and any others you can think of; what do they mean and what do they do to the youth trying to figure themselves out?

In my own personal experience these labels mean confusion.  When I was younger I figured I was straight, because that's what people were, you know?  Not in a I-was-born-in-a-homophobic-family way but in a girls-like-boys and boys-like-girls way.  I never really thought about it until I got to about thirteen.  That was when I sitting in drama class and working on a collage with some  female classmates.  We were looking at a magazine picture of a a female model, and one of the girls said something that made me realize that the way I thought of the model was different than the way they did.  I was extremely confused; what did this mean?  I had crushes on boys and I wanted to kiss them and hold their hands and dance with them.  I had female friends.  I liked being with them, I was comfortable being physically close to them, we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek.  Occasionally we held hands.  Did this mean anything?  What was I?  At that point, mostly just confused.

I decided that I would need to accept the title of bisexual.  I mean, I was apparently attracted to girls, so I figured that this must mean that I was bisexual. But this didn't sit well with me.  Did this mean that I needed to feel the same thing for girls as I did for guys?  I didn't so then what?  What was I, in terms of sexuality?  And as I've grown older, my sexuality has fluctuated and changed.

I've never found an answer to this question of what am I.  I believe I would technically qualify as pansexual. I have been attracted to both men and women, I have had sex with both and I have had romantic relationships with both.  It's easier for me to be attracted to women, but I love checking out the cute guys' butts in the gym.  I'm getting married to an amazing man who has been my best friend for the last five-ish years.  So what does that make me?

I'm a third year university student who loves cooking, reading, writing, biking.  I've taken up knitting.  I have two adorable cats.  I like pretty dresses and button down shirts and ties.  And I like cute girls and their curves.  I like cute boys and their butts.  I like kissing people.  When I get asked about my sexuality, I say I'm not straight.  It seems most simple.

Brother and I were talking about this complication.  Some people are able to easily settle in one sexuality or another, but I know so many who can't for whatever reason. I know girls and guys who are primarily attracted to women but they have met men that they want to be with.  I know girls and guys who are primarily attracted to men but have women they want to be with.

Fiance and I have talked about this and we have a personal preference for the words androphilia, gynophilia and ambiphilia.  Androphilia means attraction to men or masculinity, gynophilia means attraction to female or femininity, and ambiphilia means attraction to intersex or transgender.  I would consider myself all three; Fiance would consider himself gynophilic.  Why do we like these terms?  It covers the gender spectrum and it skips all the fun that is trying to fit into the labels of pan, bi, queer, straight or other stuff.

Brother wants to get rid of the labels and just assume people are attracted to people until they say otherwise.  And by that, to my knowledge, he means take it in a case by case situation, not a gender as a whole.  He believes not only is it more simple but it allows for freedom of being attracted to someone without having to fit into some sort of spectrum and worrying if you don't.  He believes that it also allows youth, trying to figure out where they fit in, the freedom to just be and explore.  I agree with him.  The last thing you need while moving though adolescence is more confusion and fear. 

I do not believe it helps adolescence to have to try and find a label that they fit under.  I believe it just creates problems.  A girl I dated for a while came out to her parents while we were together.  She was not pleased that she needed to do so.  She wished that her parents and those around her did not automatically assume she was straight.  "I would not have to come out if I liked guys!" she complained to me.  I empathized; I hate coming out to people.  I hate the moment where they look at me and Fiance and raise their eyebrows; like by not being straight, how can I be with him. When it comes to my sexuality, I am happiest when left alone about it (unless the cute girl at the bar wants to buy me a drink.  Well then I'm happy to talk sex with her. :P).  But honestly, unless we are planning to have sex, I usually just feel like saying "shoo!" when people ask.

Really, I feel that if it's there's affection and respect, does it really matter?  And unless a label is going to help me get Brandi Carlile into my bed I'm happy without them.