Curves, butts and other sexy things.

Brother and I have been chatting about labels, specifically about labels relating to sexuality.  He has requested that I write a post on this.

So, bisexual, lesbian, gay, straight, questioning, bi-curious, pansexual, asexual and any others you can think of; what do they mean and what do they do to the youth trying to figure themselves out?

In my own personal experience these labels mean confusion.  When I was younger I figured I was straight, because that's what people were, you know?  Not in a I-was-born-in-a-homophobic-family way but in a girls-like-boys and boys-like-girls way.  I never really thought about it until I got to about thirteen.  That was when I sitting in drama class and working on a collage with some  female classmates.  We were looking at a magazine picture of a a female model, and one of the girls said something that made me realize that the way I thought of the model was different than the way they did.  I was extremely confused; what did this mean?  I had crushes on boys and I wanted to kiss them and hold their hands and dance with them.  I had female friends.  I liked being with them, I was comfortable being physically close to them, we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek.  Occasionally we held hands.  Did this mean anything?  What was I?  At that point, mostly just confused.

I decided that I would need to accept the title of bisexual.  I mean, I was apparently attracted to girls, so I figured that this must mean that I was bisexual. But this didn't sit well with me.  Did this mean that I needed to feel the same thing for girls as I did for guys?  I didn't so then what?  What was I, in terms of sexuality?  And as I've grown older, my sexuality has fluctuated and changed.

I've never found an answer to this question of what am I.  I believe I would technically qualify as pansexual. I have been attracted to both men and women, I have had sex with both and I have had romantic relationships with both.  It's easier for me to be attracted to women, but I love checking out the cute guys' butts in the gym.  I'm getting married to an amazing man who has been my best friend for the last five-ish years.  So what does that make me?

I'm a third year university student who loves cooking, reading, writing, biking.  I've taken up knitting.  I have two adorable cats.  I like pretty dresses and button down shirts and ties.  And I like cute girls and their curves.  I like cute boys and their butts.  I like kissing people.  When I get asked about my sexuality, I say I'm not straight.  It seems most simple.

Brother and I were talking about this complication.  Some people are able to easily settle in one sexuality or another, but I know so many who can't for whatever reason. I know girls and guys who are primarily attracted to women but they have met men that they want to be with.  I know girls and guys who are primarily attracted to men but have women they want to be with.

Fiance and I have talked about this and we have a personal preference for the words androphilia, gynophilia and ambiphilia.  Androphilia means attraction to men or masculinity, gynophilia means attraction to female or femininity, and ambiphilia means attraction to intersex or transgender.  I would consider myself all three; Fiance would consider himself gynophilic.  Why do we like these terms?  It covers the gender spectrum and it skips all the fun that is trying to fit into the labels of pan, bi, queer, straight or other stuff.

Brother wants to get rid of the labels and just assume people are attracted to people until they say otherwise.  And by that, to my knowledge, he means take it in a case by case situation, not a gender as a whole.  He believes not only is it more simple but it allows for freedom of being attracted to someone without having to fit into some sort of spectrum and worrying if you don't.  He believes that it also allows youth, trying to figure out where they fit in, the freedom to just be and explore.  I agree with him.  The last thing you need while moving though adolescence is more confusion and fear. 

I do not believe it helps adolescence to have to try and find a label that they fit under.  I believe it just creates problems.  A girl I dated for a while came out to her parents while we were together.  She was not pleased that she needed to do so.  She wished that her parents and those around her did not automatically assume she was straight.  "I would not have to come out if I liked guys!" she complained to me.  I empathized; I hate coming out to people.  I hate the moment where they look at me and Fiance and raise their eyebrows; like by not being straight, how can I be with him. When it comes to my sexuality, I am happiest when left alone about it (unless the cute girl at the bar wants to buy me a drink.  Well then I'm happy to talk sex with her. :P).  But honestly, unless we are planning to have sex, I usually just feel like saying "shoo!" when people ask.

Really, I feel that if it's there's affection and respect, does it really matter?  And unless a label is going to help me get Brandi Carlile into my bed I'm happy without them.

Aimee and Jaguar

So I love Netflix.  I wish they had more available but I love Netflix.  Watched Aimee and Jaguar off there yesterday.  My only complaint is that apparently it's only available until November 10th!  That's very sad as the film was amazing.

It's a 1998, German war film, set in Berlin towards the end of the second world war.  It follows the story of five different women living in Berlin at the time, four of whom are Jewish.  It is based on the memoirs of Lilly Wust, who is in fact one of the main characters.  That may be kind of obvious.  I apologize if so.  It is pre-breakfast. 

Anyways this film is one of the most beautiful and sad things I have seen in a while (I'm actually trying to think of when the last time I saw a film this lovely was.  I'm unsure).  I should warn you, fellow reader, that I am biased; as I told Boyfriend last night, I love foreign language films so I am already uber inclined to give a good review.  I love hearing the language instead of English-with-an-accent-so-you-think-they're-speaking-German.  There are also super hot women in it.  That does nothing to help my biases.  This ties into another reason I love Netflix.

 They have a section called Gay and Lesbian films!  I found this one there.  As I mentioned, it is based on the memoirs of Lilly Wust, who at the time of the second world war was a housewife married to a German soldier.  She falls in love with a Jewish woman, Felice Schragenheim and the story ensues.  Maria Schrader plays Felice and holy damn is she sexy.  She reminds me a bit of Noomi Rapace in appearance; I am sure I have gushed about Noomi.  There is some extremely hot lesbian sex in the movie, not just between Felice and Lilly but also with Felice and her former girlfriend, Ilse, played by Johanna Wokalek, who is also a sexy beast. 

Sorry, I could rant about the sexy women in the movie for quite some time but you are probably going, that's great, but why else is the film amazing?  Well, as I said it is beautiful and extremely sad.  I don't feel I'm giving anything away by saying that because come on, it's a love story between the wife of a Nazi officer and a Jewish woman in WWII Berlin.  But this movie also explores the politics of the time and highlights the struggles of the time.  Not just of the Jewish people but also the Germans living in bombed out Berlin.  It's actually very fascinating.  The movie comes across as unbiased to either side and just simply presents a picture of the facts through the characters.  The story feels real and the characters feel alive.  I am thinking that a lot of the lack of tropes and horrible plot lines has to do with the fact that the story is based off of memoirs and therefore, actually happened.  The terror of the time is not minced around and the troubles of the people are not easily resolved.  The ending is not a neat little box that allows you to go, well that was nice and fun but moving on.  No, this one stays with you.  It's haunting.  I love it.

As I mentioned, it appears to only be available on Netflix for another two days (NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) so if you have Netflix I recommend watching it before then.  And even if you don't have Netflix, watch it.  It is wonderful.  You will cry by the way.  A warning.  But you'll also laugh and smile and if you're someone like me, drool.  Mmmm curves.  So yes, Aimee and Jaguar; fantastic film.

This post has no title

So it's been over a week since I last posted.  I admit, I did not realize how busy I was going to be this school year.  A fair chunk of it is my fault.  If I didn't have the desire to go to grad school and subsequently need good grades I wouldn't spend as much time with my nose buried between the pages of my textbooks.  At least my classes are interesting.  Helps a lot with the spending hours reading from large, small printed books.  My Abnormal Psych class is especially interesting.  It's a lot of material but it's super cool.  Also the prof is pretty awesome.  He has a strong aversion to bad science and enjoys talking sarcastically about Freud.  I approve highly of this. 

Something neat that has come about as of late.  Fiance and I started this weight loss/get-into-better-shape-thing and it's actually working!  I sound surprised because I have a bad history of planning to get into shape, doing a bunch of things and then not seeing results.  Actually a much better way of putting it is that this is the first time that I have a manageable, healthy way of a) losing weight and b) getting strong.  We've modified this program to work for ourselves.  I recommend checking it out if this is something you are interested in.  It's very easy to do, it takes very little time and you can do it easily from home. 

I also found this on autostraddle the other day.  It's pictures of lady-loving ladies over the last 150 years and honestly, I think it's one of coolest things ever.  Many of the pictures made me just sit there and smile.  Many of the women look so happy together!

Speaking of gay things.  Fiance and I went to Buddies for the first time last week and had an absolute blast!  We had a great time dancing, playing pool and yes, checking out the ladies.  I loved how the place lacks the skeeze of straight bars where the waitresses have clearly been dressed by their male managers.  That and the lack of getting stared at and approached by creepy men.  I have such bad blisters on my heels from dancing for two hours though.  Make sure you wear comfortable shoes when going!  I'd say go barefoot but I could feel the soles of my shoes sticking to the alcoholic floor so yeah. 

I wish I actually had one topic to hone in on today but honestly, mostly I'm just thinking about how much reading I still have to do today.  Check out the comic I posted.  It is amusing!